


Pria Cantikku

by arsistiel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Dysphoric days, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Alec Lightwood, vent fic, yee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:15:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27436435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsistiel/pseuds/arsistiel
Summary: Magnus cups Alec’s cheeks with both of his hands and cradles his face, the smile on his face still prominent. “Pretty boy,” he breaths out, and Alec’s lips curl up at that, “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?” he traces Alec’s bottom lip with his thumb.Alec shakes his head, shifting closer to Magnus, lips nearer to each other. “You say that to me everyday.”“Well,” Magnus replies, “Not my fault that you look beautiful everyday.”Closing his eyes, Alec leans forward to press a kiss against Magnus’ lips. It’s just a short, gentle kiss, filled with love and reassurance.Or: Alec feels dysphoric but he has Magnus, and Magnus is there to comfort him.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 11
Kudos: 182





	Pria Cantikku

**Author's Note:**

> Tw/ Talks of Dysphoria

It’s been awhile since Izzy and he have spent time like this. He missed this, obviously, and he wants to enjoy shopping with Izzy, to help her pick clothes. But something is holding him back.

He adjusts his over-sized hoodie again, letting it puff up around his chest. He is wearing a binder but he can still feel the… lumps… on there. They gross him out a little, he doesn’t want to think about them. He has an urge to cross his arms above his chest but he does not do it, because doing so would mean that he feels his chest and Raziel, he does _not_ want to do that right now. 

“Big brother, how about this?” Izzy picks up a black plaid skirt and shows it to Alec, she’s trying to figure out what to wear for the Clave party they have to attend in a few days.

 _Big Brother,_ It’s just a word, but it makes warmth burst in Alec’s chest, it makes him smile. 

“It looks good,” Alec replies hesitantly, trying to adjust his voice and make it sound deeper. It is deep, deeper than it used to be. He’s been on T for a while now so the pitch of his voice has drastically changed. Somehow, today that isn’t helping him.

Izzy hums, dropping the skirt in the shopping cart and going to the sections with all the feminine tops and accessories.

Alec takes a breath in, following Izzy and trying not to look at the dresses and the tees and tops for too long, looking at them isn’t really helping him at the moment. But he doesn’t want to tell Izzy that, Izzy seems happy while she’s shopping and he does not want to break this moment of theirs just because he’s feeling dysphoric.

He felt a little dejected when he woke up this morning, and having a shower just added on to it. He tried to shut his eyes and _not_ touch anything he didn’t want to but that didn’t really aid his dysphoria. 

He would’ve texted Magnus but Magnus had come back home late last night from a warlock consul in Singapore and Alec didn’t really want to disturb his boyfriend, knowing that he must be tired. 

Jace felt Alec’s discomfort through their parabatai bond, so since the morning, Jace was constantly using terms like ‘man’ or ‘dude’ _more than usual_ to help him, and it _did_ help a bit. It was something Jace usually did whenever he felt Alec being a little shifty or not himself - Jace had caught it up from the mundane websites he went to on google to educate himself when Alec had come out to him.

Later that afternoon, when Clary and Jace went on a mission, Izzy came up to Alec cheerfully and asked him if he wanted to go on a shopping date today, and of course Alec said yes. He didn’t have any missions planned and was also done with all of his reports, he was bored anyways so he was more than happy to spend time with Izzy.

Though, he didn’t expect his dysphoria to hit like this just for being near the women clothing section.

Alec runs a hand through his hair and fixes his hoodie for what seems like the 5 time in the past 10 minutes, he glances at the mirror beside him and focuses on his face. He is passing, he knows that. He is tall and has a little stubble. Right now he looks flat chested, his hoodie covers his lower area and he looks… okay.

And yet he does not _feel_ okay.

“Alec?” Izzy’s voice breaks his chain of thoughts. “Are you listening?”

Alec realizes that she’s been saying something about an off shouldered top she’s holding up in her hands, and Alec has completely been zoned out this whole time.

“Ugh, what?”

Izzy’s eyes soften up when she notices how Alec subconsciously moved his hoodie again, puffing it up from his chest. She hangs the top back in its place and turns to study her brother’s face. “Are you not feeling good here?”

“I’m fine, Iz.” Alec replies, tugging on the bottom of his hoodie and giving her a strained smile.

Izzy sighs, shaking her head. “Let’s just go to the billing counter and pay for this,” she gestures at the pieces of clothing in the cart, “then we can go out to eat something.”

“Izzy,” Alec says. “I’m okay, I promise,” she isn’t sympathizing with him, Alec knows, he just does not want his dysphoria coming in the way of his sibling time.

But despite his protests, Izzy sees the discomfort on his face. So she gets her clothes billed and drags them out of there. (She uses Alec’s credit card to pay, as always.)

When they are out of the Mall, Izzy’s shopping bags in Alec’s hands while Izzy tries to tell him about all the recent gossip - something she usually does as a distraction - Alec takes his phone out to text Magnus.

They haven’t talked properly in over 3 days (They’ve both been a little busy) and as pathetic as it sounds, Alec misses him. He misses Magnus and his warm body. He misses the way Magnus cradles his face before kissing him. 

He misses the way Magnus makes him feel like the best man in the world.

Right now, he just wants to cuddle up to Magnus’ side. Alec’s starting to feel a little insecure and he just wants to go home and hide in Magnus’ arms.

 _Home._ Alec smiles at the way Magnus’ loft feels more like home to him than the Institute ever did.

It’s around 7 pm when he reaches Magnus’ loft, Izzy let him go saying a sarcastic _“Rush away to your boyfriend, mi hermano. Mentally you’re with him already so...”_

Alec takes out the key to the loft from his hoodie pocket and opens the door, taking his shoes off as he shuts the door behind him. He also takes out his spare dagger and his knuckle knife and places it on the rack, before going in.

“Magnus?” his voice comes out low and drained as he walks to the living room.

“Alexander.” Magnus is sprawled there on the couch, back against the left armrest and a magazine in his hand - which he places down on the center table as soon as he sees his boyfriend - and his legs over the rest of the couch. He’s just wearing a silk blue robe, one that Alec loves a lot, and his silk pajamas. His defined caramel chest is on display with only a necklace sitting on it. 

He gives Alec a wide grin, face brightening up. “Hello darling, I’ve been waiting for you.”

Alec can’t help but give him a smile back, though it’s weary. “Hey,” he says, walking over to him and bending down to give him a kiss on the cheek. Magnus hums when Alec does so. 

“Are you okay?” Magnus asks him, looking up at Alec’s tried eyes.

Alec sighs, his instinct is to say ‘yes’ but… he does not do so, knowing that Magnus will look right through him. So he sits down on the couch next to Magnus’ legs for a minute, and then, he’s laying on his chest. Body between Magnus’ knees and torso pressed to Magnus’ stomach, his ear over the warlock’s heartbeat.

Alec takes in Magnus’ sandalwood smell, his hands go around Magnus’ waist and he clutches him tight, holding Magnus close. Magnus brings his own hands up and cards his fingers through Alec’s hair, pressing a kiss on the top of his head. Alec melts.

“Izzy took me to the women clothing section today, to buy her clothes and I…” Alec trails off, snuggling in Magnus’ chest, feeling a little pathetic. “And I don’t know…” he pauses again, not really knowing what happened. He knows he can talk to Magnus about it. Magnus is always there for him, to hear his rants, to let him ramble on for hours. But Alec just wants to rest right now.

“You don’t have to talk about it, _Alexander,”_ Magnus says, putting emphasis on his name. It’s comforting, the softness in his voice.

Alec nods against Magnus, silence falls over them. Magnus plays with Alec’s hair as they just lay down there. 

“I don’t know. We were there and I was… doing well and I just…” Alec tries again after a while and takes in a breath, “I saw the clothes, then a mirror and I looked at myself…”

“Hey,” Magnus whispers, seeing how Alec is struggling to talk. “Look at me, please?” When Alec shifts a little, tilting his head up to look into Magnus’ eyes, Magnus can see the slight glistening in Alec’s own distressed hazel ones. 

Magnus cups Alec’s cheeks with both of his hands and cradles his face, the smile on his face still prominent. “Pretty boy,” he breaths out, and Alec’s lips curl up at that, “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?” he traces Alec’s bottom lip with his thumb.

Alec shakes his head, shifting closer to Magnus, lips nearer to each other. “You say that to me everyday.”

“Well,” Magnus replies, “Not my fault that you look beautiful everyday.”

Closing his eyes, Alec leans forward to press a kiss against Magnus’ lips. It’s just a short, gentle kiss, filled with love reassurance. 

“I missed you, you know that?” Magnus says when they pull away, he brings a hand up to Alec’s forehead and caresses the soft curls there away.

“I missed you too,” Alec replies, eyes crinkling.

Magnus' other hand settles on Alec’s back, idly rubbing up and down along Alec’s spine. Alec shuffles again, to lay back down on Magnus’ chest, though the binder on his chest gives him _slight_ discomfort.

“How long have you been wearing your binder for?” 

Alec purses his lips, not replying. He accidentally slept in it last night, till around 4 am, before he woke up and had only taken it off once to have a quick 10 minutes shower since then. It’s been that kind of a day for him.

“Alexander, your binders might’ve been magicked but it’s still harmful to wear them for an excessive amount of time.” Magnus tells him, though calmly. During the first weeks of when they started dating, Magnus had magicked Alec’s binders so they don’t hurt his ribs, back and shoulders a lot or overheat his body, making them _much more_ comfortable. Since then, Alec has a tendency to forget that he has to take his binder off, and obviously that earns him a lot of lectures from Magnus.

“I’m sorry,” Alec says and Magnus just sighs. 

“I say this for your own good, darling.” Magnus replies, still holding Alec close.

“I know,” Alec licks his lips, thinking for a bit. “Can you… magic it off, please?” 

With anyone else, Alec might not even be comfortable standing in front of without a binder during days like these. But Magnus, Magnus is _his_ comfort. And Alec feels okay, at this moment, to lay close to Magnus without it on. To lay close to Magnus, bare.

Magnus presses another kiss on top of Alec’s head, and Alec knows that it’s a reassurance. Alec knows that he can tell Magnus to put the binder back on if he feels malaise even in the slightest.

“Okay.” with a wave of Magnus’ hand, Alec feels his chest easing up a little, he feels like his back is able to breath again. 

He is now pressed up to Magnus, vulnerable in most ways and he feels fine. He feels okay. He still has a smile on his face.

Magnus traces patterns on his back, spelling something which Alec catches as - _A-K-U-C-I-N-T-A-K-A-M-U_

“I love you too,” Alec replies, voice tired, as if almost asleep

Magnus chuckles a little, continuing to caress Alec’s hair and now tracing his runes with his other hand. 

When Alec is asleep after a while, soft snores escaping his lips as he clutches onto Magnus. Magnus can’t help to whisper, “Pria cantikku.”

_My beautiful man._

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a vent fic because I was feeling dysphoric.
> 
> @sleeepdeprived on tumblr/Wattpad, @sleeepdeprived_ on insta  
> and @arsistiel on twitter.
> 
> AND JOE BIDEN'S THE NEW PRESIDENT! CONGRATS and stay safe from the KKK and the Proud Boys <3
> 
> (All mistakes are mine)


End file.
